During the meetings last month, the theme under discussion was “Inner Confidence”.

There is a common phrase in the self-development world that we must remember to “Celebrate Our Successes”. A very sensible thing to do, so that we acknowledge to ourselves the things that we have accomplished and keep our motivation up to do more.

On top of that, however, I also believe that we ought to “Celebrate Our Failures”.

One of the biggest challenges to Inner Confidence is perfectionism, fear of failure, fear of things not panning out etc etc.

However, in the majority of cases when asked, everyone also trots out the old cliché – “I learnt more from my failures than my successes”.

A 'Failure' therefore, is a good thing.
It is an opportunity to learn, to grow, to get better, to be better. That is a good thing.

The more we attach positive vibes to so-called negative outcomes, the less likely we are to hesitate or hold back and the more likely we are to break new ground and move forwards.

To that end, my question to Members this month was:

WHAT FAILURES ARE YOU GOING TO CELEBRATE?

Note the language there. The celebration action is in the future but the failure is neutral. In other words – you can consider a failure you've already made that you will now reframe.

AND – what's that one thing that you're GOING to do, in the future, that might well be a massive mess up – but you'll be cheering yourself regardless of how well it turns out.

As ever, we can go in different directions, subject to what's important to you.

Here are some of the questions, observations and reflections that were noted.

It's difficult to celebrate a failure when you're going through it.
What stops you from celebrating now?

If I make mistakes, they can always be rectified

You can't learn by doing everything right

What you've done is done. All you can do is move forwards.

What is the definition of failure?
Have you asked anyone else if you've failed?
Usually, it's only you who thinks so.
Failure is always self-perception.

Let's blame better. Blame my parents for me being strong and successful.
It's an amazing springboard

Failing at a specific thing and 'being a failure' are two very different things.

You miss the smaller achievements if you're not careful.
Follow your gut
Nail the commitments

Is anyone going to die from this?
Whatever happens tomorrow, I'll be proud of myself.

There is a difference between a bad product and bad marketing. One is not the same as the other and we need to work out which it is.
We don't know what works until we do.
Proving something doesn't work is different to it not working yet.
We need to have an experimental mindset.

If you know everything, how are you growing?

Improvise, adapt, overcome

A blame culture leads to self-blame
You need to be responsible for your own actions but not blame yourself.
It's moving you from being a victim to stepping into power.
Expect to fail more than you succeed, but do it anyway.

We spend too much time worrying about what other people think
Move forward and lose those that don't like it
You can't change everyone.

Imposter syndrome – learning to live with it and see it as a positive

Attachment to expectations creates disappointment and a sense of failure. Remove the attachment and you remove the sense of failure.

Failing suggests that that's the end of it. Very often, it's just one of many attempts.

There's only goodness out there. That's all we are.

The whole mother/guilt things is the way society has brought us up.

Easy to be strong for others. Do the same for ourselves.

We are exactly where we should be.
When you can look back and not regret a thing, then you're not trapped by the past.
From the past we can create our future.
Own your past, don't let it own you.

What's the benefit in staying the way you are? Hunt out the secondary gain.

The greatest give you can give me is to be responsible for you own happiness.

Be aware of Post Traumatic Growth

“Making the days count” adds extra pressure.
Savour the moment as it's happening.